18 - Stepping into Parenthood Pt. 3

Relationships and Financial Planning are all necessary steps in the transition period of becoming a parent. 

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Welcome everybody to another episode of the Eiler perspective. It's stoked to have you here today. You are back at it. So let's just like dive right into this as we're heading into part three of transitioning from just a regular adult into parenthood. Yeah, it's stressful. Kyler and I've been talking for about the past hour about a lot of different things. We're not gonna talk about them on here, but yeah, there's a lot of stress coming from, you know, only worrying about yourself to then worrying about a family and Supporting them and taking care of them. And so if you need help or need to talk to somebody go and do it. This month is men's mental health awareness month. And so if you need to talk to somebody if you have some demons that are living in your brain, go get it out. Don't hold it in. You don't need to be strong. It's okay to be fragile sometimes. Yep. Absolutely. Especially for men. We hold a lot of mantles on our shoulders and don't have enough Places to Shed that weight So if you're looking for help to shed weight I don't know get help. Yeah find it So today we're picking up on point six and seven of the list of ten that we have with us the First before you get into that. I wanted to share a quick quote because you reminded me something that was really cool so I Recently received some information in from some of my friends and there's this really good quote that I wanted to say because I think it's important, especially talking about men's health. Yeah. But the quote says, what we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, but what we have done for others in the world remains and is immortal. And so I know we've talked about before a little bit about legacy and I just thought that that was a really good quote that I wanted to share on here. Just so that we can have that as a thought that the more we do for others and for the world And as a whole That's the stuff that's actually going to stick around if we try to be selfish and just be self centered not only are we going to have more problems for us, but then we'll It'll die with us too. Yeah, I love it. Thanks for sharing that man. Yeah, anyways, back into it. So, yeah, point six is relationship dynamics. So I'll just kind of read the two points that reside underneath that, the sub points. Sweet. We have strengthened relationships. The shared experience of raising a child can strengthen the bond between partners and extended family. You also have the reverse, it can do the opposite. And then community and support networks. Parents often seek out and rely more on community and support networks building relationships with other parents. So, let's talk about strengthened relationships. So you know, I only have my perspective of, you know, me and Becca being together for a couple years and then deciding to have a kid and then that dynamic change there. But you got married straight into. relationship with fatherhood. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess how did that go for you in terms of relationships being strengthened? Or just what it was like in the dating scene? Well, you know, in Utah, it's pretty typical that you get married pretty quick. I was definitely subject to that when I went through my divorce. I feel like I, I mean, I really wanted to be a dad. I always wanted to be a father and I always wanted kids and I had kind of come to the conclusion that if I wanted to be realistic about dating that there was a high likelihood or possibility that the person that I'd be dating due to my age was probably going to have at least one kid if not two and so it was one of those things that sure I had to I had to come to a realization that that's a very high possibility, but I, I was also raised in a really good home where, you know, I, I grew up with three sets of grandparents and there was never a set that was a step, a step grandma or step grandpa. Like I never had that. It was all grandmas and grandpas. And so I didn't have to worry about like fighting for. you know attention or, or trying to like better the other. I never experienced that. And so when it came to dating and in finding my beautiful wife, Maddie, and her amazing daughter, Sailor, you know, when she, when we started dating, she was only about two or three years old and we had a really cool experience where I can't remember how many dates i'd been on with Maddie yet. But when I Oh when I knocked on her door Saylor pulled back the the blinds and she goes Hi Kyler, and I was like, man. How does she already know me? Like that was Cool, because I just felt like there was you know I just didn't understand how a kid that young could already know me, so it just felt special. But Saylor's a special person, and I've been really lucky to be able to be, you know, her bonus dad. And I, I made it a point that I never wanted to take any sort of positions or anything like that. I just want to be a supportive role. And I, that's, that's basically what I've done, is just support her and make her feel like she's one of my own because in my eyes she is and there's no reason to try to put any labels on it or try to be anything different. So yeah, it was, it was different not having any alone time with Maddie before we had kids since she already had one. And if I would have been, you know, I don't know. Yeah, we didn't have any alone time, but it was always just like I was meant to be a father. So it just kind of came easy for me to step into that role. And I've just had so much fun doing it that I mean, if we could do it, I'd have way more kids. But with how expensive life is, that's not very doable. Most days. Yeah, the world's expensive. You're a great dad. You've always talked about it. So you started off with Se and Maddie, but then you introduced Evelyn. Yeah. So how was that changed when you introduced Evelyn? Sailor was about five when Evelyn was born and Sailor wanted a little sister so bad that she was so excited. I had a, I kind of had this feeling that I was only ever going to have girls. Most of my family has boys. And I just kind of knew that. I was gonna be a girl dad. Mm-Hmm. And I've loved it. I think it's great. I don't know how people with boys handle it because girls, even though they come with their own set of challenges and hardships, they're super fun. And I just love, I love the love and I love the cuddles, and I love the fact that in my mind, women as as a very whole generalization. tend to stick closer to their parents even after they get married for sure. So I sit there and I kind of think to myself like, Oh, I'm going to be lucky cause I have only girls and I hope that my girls are going to take care of me in my ripe old age because I know Maddie said she just put me out in the pasture. So I'm banking on my girls taking care of me when I'm old and feeble. I think you're right. I think from what I've heard, at least the daughters tend to reach out consistently. But men we kind of go and establish a life and our whole focus is to make sure our wife and our kids are happy And we kind of forget about everything else and when there is free moments Maybe we will but there's a lot of time spent on trying to take care of your own family Yeah And one thing one thing I talked about with Maddie is just the idea of one day just it being her and me And how weird that will be since we never had that experience before yeah It'll be it'll be nice to just I know when we go on our a couple's retreats Like just her and I when we get away for vacation it's so nice and it's so refreshing and we realize that although we love our kids they also cause a lot of friction in a relationship and it's it's it's quite the tag team battle to try to be parents over kids and It takes a lot of give and take and the hardest part is that A lot of times, especially in the economy we're in now and how we have to both be working. It's like we're basically just seeing each other for a few minutes at a time here and there as we're passing in the doorway to take care of the kids. Yeah. So we've noticed in, on our lives and our relationship that there always seems to be like, there's almost like a balance in it. There has to be of who can be down mentally and emotionally and who needs to be up. If one of us is down, the other one just naturally like, takes it on. Like, alright, I'm up. I'm helping everybody. And the one person's down, as soon as that's done, it like, flops. It's like, oh my gosh, now I'm down and super depressed and things are stressful. Yeah, we've noticed that. But I mean, so in terms of our just dating, right, it was just her and I, we were by ourselves. We didn't have parents out there because we're out in Idaho, right? So it was literally just her and I all the time. And then when we first got married, it was her and I all the time. We waited, I think it's like four years, something like that until we had a kid. And those four years we were literally always together. We did everything together. We hardly went and did anything on our own with our own groups of friends. Yeah, you're really lucky because you and it. Mango, Becca. Yeah. Had a lot of opportunities to be alone for those first few years. Yeah, it was, it was a blast. We would go spontaneously camping all the time. We would just go do trips and it was nice. It was great. And then when we introduced read, that was really hard on our relationship. Because we went from having just us all the time to all of a sudden Oh, baby schedules are the worst schedules. Oh, it's terrible, especially Reed's. Reed's, mammalia, chill as can be. We can go do whatever we want. Reed was every two hours on the dot. He had to eat even through the night. Had a nap where it was dark. Couldn't have any sound, right? It was, it was insane. And so we became hostage to an infant schedule. Mm hmm. And mentally, I was not in a good space. I'm pretty sure I had father postpartum, which is a thing. It's not called that, but it's a thing. And I had that. I didn't get any help for it because I didn't recognize it. Yeah. It's not talked about. Yeah. It's not talked about. And then Becca was going through difficulty as well. And so we were both just like mourning the loss of our relationship that we had and welcoming in a new relationship dynamic or at least trying to, trying to, and it was just really, really, really hard. We parented well. But there were just things like our mental capacities we're struggling with. I think that our marriage is obviously stronger now, and that's kind of what the point is, is like it strengthens a bond, and it does. Like, we have this feeling of, we'd give our lives for our kids, we'd do anything for them, we want them to be happy, we want to raise them in the best possible way we can, show them all the attention that they can receive that maybe we didn't get, right? We want to do everything right, and, Our relationship has grown closer, but I will say that our relationship definitely gets closer when we do take those moments to one, have our personal alone time like individually, but then also when we can get out and have a date, which is hard, which kind of brings up the next point, which is community and support networks like there's people here who have tons of family and so they can be like, Hey, can you watch the kids? Can you do that? Yeah. And we don't have that, right? Yeah, we, we always think about that for you guys. Yeah, it's really, really hard. And so like I have friends that have, you know, three plus kids and they're able to do a date every week. We can't do that. I think if we counted back four years from when we had to read to now we've back and I've maybe had 15 dates, right? And so it's really difficult and it comes from a few different things, right? So one. When I was younger, I was put in daycare, and apparently I was abused in the daycare. I don't know all the details, but they would drop me off, I would cry, and then the lady would drop me off, leave me in a room. Completely empty room until they got home. Wow. And so I was just crying there the whole time. And so we have fear in having No, go back in your room. Go back in your room. I need you to tell me something. What? I will, now go in your room please, and don't come out again. Dang kid. Yeah. Yeah, so we have fear that She'd just leave you in the room. Yeah, so she'd just leave me in the room. And so we have a fear of like, who do we trust to watch our kids? And then you also know that even people that you know are typically the ones going to be the abusers. And so we have fear on that aspect. So that probably limits us into people that we want to watch. It's not that we don't trust everybody. It's just that we are hesitant and we want to make sure our kids are safe, which is I think fair It's all about that that risk to reward factor and it's hard because most of the time you will lean more towards the Road, like the fact that you're not going to put your kids in harm's way Yeah I know that fact because having worked in law enforcement for the time that I have I don't like a certain amount of things. Like I don't like sleepovers. I don't like people watching my kids and it's very difficult to have any sort of trust because you know it's a trusted individual that ends up hurting someone. And I heard something that I really, really liked recently that said something to the fact of like the most important thing you can teach your child is to trust you to the point that They can come to you and tell you anything and that you're going to be okay with it to resolve it. Yeah, but more importantly the the the point was is To teach your child if anyone ever comes to you and tells you Whatever i'm about to do or say you can't tell your parents because they'll be disappointed or in you Or something will happen to you or something will happen to them that threat of fear That it's like what whatever i'm going to do say or whatever it may be If you tell them this is what's going to happen it's like No, that's not gonna happen. You can trust that if anyone tells you that it's gonna be a lie And you can come tell us and you'll be alright because I noticed there's a lot of that that goes on in In just abuse of children. Yeah, so when we were first married Becca worked volunteering at a women's health facility Where they helped women get away from abusive relationships, and she had to see an interview with a woman with kids every once in a while of talking about their abuse that they went through and she learned there that it's super important to teach your kids the Anatomically correct body parts in terms. So we've always taught reed that his penis is his penis Yeah, that's butthole is his butthole and then you will know her vagina is her vagina and her boobs are her boobs Right or her breasts, right? like it's important exactly like we and it kind of gets a little bit of pushback like older people like I don't want to hear that word or like oh my gosh, like how are you teaching them to say that? It's like no, this isn't a pp. This isn't a wee wee This isn't a hoo ha It's a penis. It's a vagina You There's my butthole, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, you have to teach them that because one of the problems is if a child goes in as being interrogated And he says my so you got it. You got to be careful that because if you can't interrogate children, right? But so so if you go in and a child's having a forensic interview, there we go. Yes, and the children's forensic interview They're not giving anatomically correct phrases and they're giving Shortcuts or nicknames or yeah anything like that then it could be contorted to mean anything. Yeah. Like you might say, yeah, we, we know it's going to mean that, but as you're trying to have this interview with this child, So now you have to try to define a term that they're giving to you that's not anatomically correct and makes it difficult for prosecution. Yeah, exactly. And so they would have a teddy bear and like, okay, so you said that, what does that mean to you? And like, can you show me? But you can't guide it because if you guide it, then it doesn't count. And so correct. We're just like, we're not messing with that. We're teaching the exact words. If anybody touches there you there you tell us the only people that can do that is a doctor If mom and dad are there They shouldn't be seeing you naked unless we're there with you, especially when they're younger when they get older it's like different things and then mommy and daddy can help you go to the bathroom things like that, but You got to be aware. It's so tough. It's so hard because you sit there and you say like i'm not even for a doctor Yeah, but then you're giving yourself a trusted individual that could that could end up abusing your child Yeah, and so it's one of those things. It's like You Yeah. The risks. So going back to the risk versus reward, we will struggle as a couple so that we can protect our children. Yeah. But then we're not getting the time alone. That is so vital in a relationship. Yeah. It's really hard because then it's even like, yeah, I would say like, Oh yeah, we would trust our parents if they were around to watch the kids more. It was like, what do we, I don't know, like my kids, high energy, my parents are older. Can they keep up? Can they do these? You know what I mean? Like, so there's a lot of difficulties. I think as the kids get a little bit older, it'll be easier for us. to go ahead and have somebody watch them. But it is, it's one of those mental barriers that we have. But when we are able to get out and go have fun, it makes a big difference. And one thing that Beck and I do is, it's hard sometimes, but we stay up later just so we can have those few minutes together. Because really all we get together as a couple is like between the hours of, if Rita's good, Usually it's like 9, 930, so from 930 to 11 or 12, maybe if you're lucky, if we're lucky, but then in between that we're maddie. She'll fall asleep. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is like, I'll fall asleep. Oftentimes Rebecca will fall asleep. And so it is hard. And we're trying to just kind of get more on like, all right, let's just involve everybody as we can. But as you know, the kids get more opinionated, it's difficult and it can wear on the relationship because you might have different disciplinary styles. Or you're able to point out different things that your partner does that they don't mean to, right? So Becca's pointed out things to me like, why did you do that? You're like shit. Yeah, I shouldn't have. I've always told myself I wouldn't. It just is hard, right? Parenting's hard, but there is beauty in it. Your kids bond you and like seeing Becca be a mother. is incredible. She's amazing at what she does and the kids love her so much and seeing them light up and talk to her and share everything like it's amazing my love for her is so much bigger and you know she says the same thing like Yesterday I took Reed to his tee ball and she was there and she's like, Oh, you're looking good. And it's like, I'm looking good cause I'm playing tee ball with Reed. Aren't I? She's like, yeah, like watching each other be a parent is very attractive. Oh, very attractive. Yeah. Especially with your offspring. It's so nice to see that. It's refreshing. I feel like we pretty much hit relationship dynamic. Is there anything else you want to add there or should we move to the next point? I would just say that there's a lot of ebbs and flows in relationships and especially with kids that the best thing you can do is, You know, know when you need those breaks and have enough communication with your partner to be able to do that, but also find times when you both can get away. And also tell your partner, like, Hey, I can tell you need this. Go do this. Cause sometimes it's like, unless you get the permission, you're not going to do it. That's also what I was going to bring up is the fact that good parents worry about being good parents. Yeah, and about their partner, if their partner is taken care of and is able to handle it. But I mean, like, I know for Maddie. She always wonders if she's a good mom and I and I tell her if you're wondering about that That's the question that you have you're a good mom. You're probably a great mom Because you're doubting it. It's the people that aren't asking those questions that make me concerned because Obviously it's in her forefront of her mind so much that she's going to do things that most people don't do And she sacrifices a lot for our daughters. And so it's like yeah, of course, you're a good mom. So Why would you be frustrated to go take a couple hours and get your hair done, or your nails done, or to go hang out with your friends one night? Like, there's nothing wrong with that. And it's necessary, not only for you to do that, but for you to show your kids that you know how to balance yourself mentally. Yeah. Well, and the thing is, like, for me, my fear is not so much about, like, the kids are going to miss me. It's like, is Becca going to be okay? Right, this is there a lot, and I know in my mind, if I'm by myself with them for this long, it's going to be really hard for me, so I imagine it's hard for her, right? And on Becca's side, she doesn't like necessarily to go out and do things because she wants to be with them, but she does need that mental break. So, unless we're like, hey, go take that break, it's hard for her to go do it because she, you know, stops realizing that's what she needs and I don't go do it because I don't want to leave her and abandon her and so Unless I get permission to go do it. I won't go do something, right? It's not like my wife's controlling by any means It's me controlling myself with my own mental barrier of like I don't feel like I can leave unless I know for sure they're good and Yeah personal time for me is really hard it's it's very beneficial But it's hard because I don't want my partner to be Sure, but I think the most valuable thing that you can teach to your kids is that well roundedness because you're not doing anything When you're totally burnt out, that's providing value or a good example. Being a dad on the couch with the phone is pointless. And that's what I am. If I don't get that mental break. Yeah. You, you become just so burnt out that you're just on autopilot and now you're teaching your kids that. And it's, and then your phone or the TV is more important than them, which is really tough. Yeah, absolutely. I think we beat that one to death. Yeah. Let's move on to the next one. Financial awareness. God, I don't want to talk about this. Oh, I hate this topic. Budgeting and saving career choices. The financial demands of raising a child lead to increased awareness and often better financial planning and budgeting and career decisions may be influenced by the need to stability benefits and work life balance. So I am just going to go out on a limb and say I am completely useless when it comes to this topic because I personally, sorry mom, I personally don't feel like I got any sort of teaching or instructions as far as financial planning, financial awareness, how to use money, like Like I said before in a podcast that we had my, the lessons that I learned growing up is if I don't buy it when I have it and see it, then it's going to be gone the next time. And that really plays into, you know, a big part of me. Like I know that I already have ADHD or ADD that's been diagnosed. And so it's like, I already know I have a new hobby every 30 days. And the problem is, is I know that I'm going to get super invested in things. I want to do everything I can to have the best stuff in that hobby because I want to, I want to do it. It seems like fun. Yeah. And it's good for me. But at the same time, for financial planning purposes, it's horrible. Yeah. And trying to teach that to children when you struggle with it yourself is also really tough. Yeah, I, I feel the same. I don't think I got any financial advice or tips. The only thing that I will say that helped me as a child is my parents having me work and pay for things. There's a lot of kids who don't do that, so when they do get into the adult world, they're like, don't understand the concept of money equals your time. If you can find another way to do it where it doesn't make your time, that's ideal, but for the most part, And most people it's going to be time equals money until you can get to the financial investment side of things, which is so tricky because there's good investments, there's bad investments and you don't really know until you get going. And then there's the fear of like, well, what's inflation going to do, right? What is this savings really going to be? Do I worry about it? Right. There's so many things, but I think that's the heaviest burden that the parents carry. And then I feel like men specifically, just like with the stereotype of being the provider. Of that financial planning for everything that's going to happen in the future I've been having in the back of my mind for four years. I need to invest in my son And have like a college fund or something along those lines for him And I haven't done it because i've been using the money for other things, right? It's so hard and so stressful and we know that we need to do these things but I think that's a benefit that we have kyler is even though we don't know everything we can do the research So that we can teach our kids to be money wise And Make good decisions and choices and learn The value in hard work to get them to a place where they can earn good money And I would say that's probably the that's probably the thing that i'm trying to do Is the kids? As kids do don't understand how money comes and I remember recently I mean I I hustle a lot both maddie and I work a lot and you know that I work a lot and all the different jobs I have and everything else and You And our kids recently Noticed that they're like, why are you always gone? Why are you always at work? And we explained to them it's because we live here and you have toys and you have school and there's a lot of things to pay for and We have to go to work so that we can pay these things for you Like we don't get summers from school like you guys do and so yeah, it's it's gonna be it's gonna be tough and Both of our kids said well, we we can get rid of our toys because we'd just rather have you around more Yeah, and you're like, oh You And freaking pulling my heartstrings because I would love nothing more than to just be home with them But I haven't been able to figure out that trick yet. And until then i'm gonna get sweat equity and And make my money just by the sweat of my brow. And that's the only way I know how to do it Yeah, it's it's hard. Well, and that's one of the things that like becca's talked about she's like i'm kind of glad I didn't get my rn or that I didn't go back to get it because Then I'd have to be gone And in this world right now, there's so many different options of jobs where you can work remote, but even those are starting to close up, right? Like But having been lucky enough to for the past four years to be able to work at home It is really nice And over the past five months i'm not having a job and being with them all the time My relationship with reed is so much better And I love that and so It's definitely a fine balance, right? Like there's a certain point where more money just isn't going to create that much more better of a life For you, it might create a better life for your kids if you invest it properly, but I I would love to ever gonna invest it properly. So yeah, well that it's hard right like and the traditional ways of investing seem boring, but Yeah, it's hard. I I don't have a good answer for budgeting and financing I would say the thing that helped becca and I the most is when we when I was working at bamboo hr You They put me through a Dave Ramsey course, it's called Financial Peace University. And if you finished it, they gave you a hundred dollar cash. And I was like, hell yeah, I want a hundred bucks. So I went and took the course. And I don't necessarily agree with everything, but it's a good starting point for people who have no idea what to do with their finances together. And we learned about an emergency fund and how to invest in it, where to put it. And that allowed us to Get a bunch of money together right before reed was born and That money eventually became the money that we used to purchase a home And then continue that cycle again to build that emergency fund up. So my suggestion for everybody the most basic thing It's hard to do Dave ramsey's recommendation is pay off your debts and then build your emergency fund. But once you get to the point of building your emergency fund get three to six months. I like six months That you could spend and live off of entirely if you lost your job you have six months At least that you can live without any other assistance And that should help you at least have a cushion and and I mean look at me now I wasn't expecting to be laid off. I'm on month five. And if I had only been a three months we'd be in trouble, right? So that's my advice say have an emergency fund. Keep it aside from your investing fund. Keep it aside from everything else Like that's a fund that you don't touch unless you're an emergency That's the thing that impresses me a lot about you because I feel like you're a lot more financially sound than I am At least you have an emergency fund. I know when you went through that program You told me about it. And so we put away a thousand dollars. It's just like the oh crap emergency fund And we have that that I know for sure and I actually did invest in some gold So I have some gold which is pretty cool But other than that, If I lost my job Two weeks, I'd be out. I'd be out of money. So it's like I couldn't afford to do it for five months There's no way I would make it work. And I have no idea how that would all play out Like yeah, just just the fact that you're able to do that is impressive to be able to have That much money in a bank account. It's kind of cool because for me it's like Yeah, I, I don't, I have to check my bank's accounts almost regularly to make sure I'm not bouncing in one or another. I don't like being in the negative. So, yeah, it's, it's really, it's a really tough play, but, Mm-Hmm, I somehow balance. Yeah. It's, it's tough to know people that just live paycheck, paycheck to paycheck, but I'm one of them. Yeah. It's hard. I wish I could get out of that, but it's a rough cycle. Yeah. It's. That's, you know, honestly, I love the Dave Ramsey course. If you guys haven't taken together, I think it's a thought of something couples should take together. We took it together. It doesn't work if only one person's doing it, both people have to be fully committed in it together in order for it to succeed. But the thing that starts off with is like, you have to have your debts first. Cause like you said, if you have debts that you're trying to pay off, you're never going to be able to get ahead. So once you can snowball those debts down and then get that emergency fund, the emergency fund really brings like a sense of relief. And your relationship and that amount of emergency funds going to get higher and higher as your lifestyle changes, right? So you need to constantly be adding to it There's also a fear of like well shit like if the world goes down and the banks go down i'm gonna lose that money But or inflation is changing things and so people are like, oh you should invest it But if I would have this money invested and I was laid off, I wouldn't have anything to help me. So I think it's wise to have that six months and then you can invest everything else. Yeah, that's smart But I yeah, i'm, sorry, man It's the way it is. It's life. We're just living it. Yeah. Doing the best we can to float by and make sure we don't like crash into a hillside somewhere and just like completely mess it all up. Right. When it comes down to career choices, the next aspect of this 100 percent my career choice was determined by the stress of needing to provide for a family. So when Becca and I got married, I was studying recreation management. I wanted to be a director of Parks and Rec or of a ski resort or something along those lines, right? I knew that I loved outdoor recreation and if I did something like that, I just love my work every single day. But when I graduated, I was being offered 11, 12 an hour. For part time jobs, there was no full time availability. And this was in This was in 2000 Like 2016 or something? Okay, 2016. And, I, so I was working two part time rec jobs and painting homes to provide for just me and Becca. So, that Was just too taxing for me and I decided to make the move into software sales. I'd previously done door to door sales but I made that move into software sales because I needed insurance for a family and I needed to make better money and so that's when I transitioned there and it's funny because when I got married I told Becca that I'd probably never make more than like 75, 000 a year and that that was going to be good. And that's because just because of what I had seen growing up, right? Like you emulate what you know. And I was like, well, that's what I'd seen my dad make. So that's probably the max I'll make. Cause that's what my dad made. Right. And she's like, no, you can do more, you can do better. And I was like, I don't know. And then I was able to do better and it was really surprising. And it just kind of goes to show at least for me, that if your priorities are right, you can go ahead and have, you a career choice that is beneficial for you and your family, even though it's not ideally what you want to do forever, you can do something to provide for your family and maybe another opportunity will come along that's similar but better for you. You don't know. But I think that's the hardest part about career choices is the, is like, yes, there's, there's a side of you that wants to do something you're passionate about, but even the things that you absolutely love and are passionate about, Are gonna dole out with time to just a paycheck. Yeah, it's it's all gonna Don't no matter what you do. I there's not a single person that I know that could convince me that You're doing something that you both love and it's not just work. Eventually. It'll just become work It's just gonna become a paycheck. You're gonna be happy that you get it. Yeah, you're gonna do all you can to keep that But your happiness is going to come from the hobbies that aren't causing you to work, right? And with the time you get to spend with your family and so what I would say as far as career choices and with the help to You know taking that step from adulthood into parenthood would definitely be to Be focused on something that will you know provide the base necessities for your family But give you enough time that you get to spend with them Cause you don't want anything, you, the last thing you want is to not have time with your family because you have to constantly go work and that job that you thought you would love has now become a placeholder for you to stay away from your family and you might not be making enough to get what you want anyway. Yeah. I would definitely say that. There are some jobs that are worth it and there's some that aren't. And sometimes the ones that are worth it are going to pay you less. But if you get that time with your family, that's most, most important. But obviously you don't want to be stressing about if you're gonna be able to live, right? So you need something that's going to provide for them. But at a certain point, once those needs are met, like do you really need to go make another 30, 000 if it's going to mean another 20 hours out of your week? I don't think so. The stuff that I've seen that has been most beneficial as of lately. Okay. As of what is it? June 5th, 2024. My opinion would be this. If you're wanting to get a career that's both family friendly and most cost effective, I would probably just say, go to a trade job, find a job where you can be your own boss and you find a specific trade that's in high demand. Like, I don't know welding or something like that where you can make really good money and have a really good job But also get to spend time at home with your family i'm jealous of the people who You know are their own bosses and the fact that you know, they were able to grind it out hard when they were young And now they're in the position where they have crews that they're running and their crews are still making the money But they have an opportunity to go be with their family Yeah, like that's that's where I see a little bit of jealousy because you know, i'm 32 right now You And it's like I'm still going to be working pretty hard But i'm never going to be able to get to the point where it's like Okay, if I don't work i'll still be making money, you know I mean, there's multiple sides to it right because you'll get that retirement if you stick it out the 25 years right in law enforcement As long as the people who go into the trades have a business mindset Can you get out from working underneath somebody it can be very good for them They'll still make money other good money. Otherwise, but if you can get out from under and that's good But then also running your own business. You're never stopping. You're constantly in the business. I would say coming from being in the tech world, that becoming a computer programmer or software developer would be the route to go because all being overshadowed by AI, though, it's not going to be fully, I think it'll become a tool for them to help. I don't think it'll be fully taken over. The reason I think it's good is because you have this skillset that everybody needs. If they want to succeed in the world essentially right now and they make very good money A lot of them make a quarter million dollars plus And they get to do it in the comfort of their home And they can usually knock things out pretty dang quick There's going to be some days or nights that might be longer But there's also going to be days where it's like an hour at work And so getting into that is good tech also has really good insurance and benefits And so, you know oftentimes unlimited time off, right? So there's very there's a lot of benefits that can be reached inside of tech to where sometimes it's probably better to be in tech working for a company than being your own boss, even in many situations. So if I could find a job where all I had to do is log onto my laptop from anywhere in the world for a couple hours here and there, I'll do that in a heartbeat. You can come join tech sales, but then you might also get laid off randomly. So that's the difficulty Yeah, there's there's a lot of risk and reward. Yeah. Yeah, so Yeah, that's it when it comes down to career choices and finance like there's a lot to consider I think trade jobs are really good just You know have that mindset of growth don't get stuck in any place and I think that applies for everywhere like Get have a growth mindset don't get stuck in where you are and be happy with where you are try and grow But don't necessarily try and grow in the matter of putting in more hours You If you are in the trades and you started on your own thing and you're putting in 60 hours a week, maybe consider hiring somebody and taking half of the hours yourself. Pay yourself a little less and save yourself some headache. Find something you love, pursue it. If it pays you great, if not, find something else you can support your life and have a great life with your family and good luck in parenthood. All right, off to the next week. Ciao.