19 - Stepping into Parenthood Pt. 4

The final part in stepping into Parenthood and the difficulty of traversing healthy habits, and societal/cultural norms. 

Transcript

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Welcome everybody to another episode of the Eiler perspective. We hope today's episode is as exciting for you as it is for us, as we should be sounding quite a bit better. Surprise, surprise. We upgraded our sound system and hopefully this makes us sound super professional. For all 10 listeners. That's just the 10 regulars. I mean, we're, we have a lot of people popping in and out. It's been quite a interesting to hear the feedback from all over the world. Yeah, it's actually really fun. It was cool. The other day, Kyler, we were camping and one of my friend's wives. Actually knew a whole bunch about our podcast She listens to all the episodes and she was reciting back things from our episodes that I was misstating which is really cool So shout out to you. You know who you are. I appreciate we appreciate your support and for everybody else Who's a regular listener? Thank you so much. We're having a blast and really enjoy just talking to each other and It's fun that you guys are listening. Yeah. It's nice to have some diehard fans that fact checked us. So sweet this week, we're getting into part four of our regular adult to parenthood transition and what that entails and how you can be a better parent and things you can do to prepare for that transition. Yeah, we're going to try and knock out the last three points. This has taken a lot longer than we had expected. So let's go ahead and get into it. So, the first point, Kyler, is health and well being. Health consciousness. Parents often become more aware of their health and well being to ensure they can care for their children. And then the next point is healthy lifestyle. There's a greater focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle to set a good example for their children. So, health consciousness, I feel like I'm almost like hypocritical to be talking on this point. And so Yeah. I mean, it's tricky. I fluctuate a lot in my, my weight and eating habits. And it's very hard. I feel like it's harder having a kid that's where really most of my weight gains have come is like new kid. Okay. Gain 30 pounds. It's just way easier to just find easy, fast, quick food that just. You know, satisfies that, that short term gratification that you need. Not necessarily something that's obsessed in this, but just something quick because you're always running, especially as a new parent. Yeah. Well, and also like the end of the day, you're exhausted and you're tired and you're like, Oh my God. I need some quick joy. Let's find some ice cream and some Oreos. You know, I was just thinking about ice cream, so. Yeah. So, here's something surprising for you. I actually just started a new diet. We'll see how it goes. It's, today is technically day Five on the new diet. Okay, and I feel great. Like I feel awesome It's been a little bit of a transition because it's it's all it has a lot to do with taking out sugar And so that's been a little tough, but I've already noticed like the weight just start falling off me Which is kind of weird and yeah, sure It's a fad diet and everyone's kind of like into it right now But it's like I have nothing to lose I kind of got to that tickling 300 pounds again And I'm just like, I'm not going to let myself go over three bills. So yeah, I need to do something drastic. And this seemed like an easy thing to do. And it's a bunch of food that I like. So it hasn't been in the carnivore. Yes, exactly. How did I know? I knew you were going to be doing carnivore. I think it's just because it makes it easy with my wife being a vegetarian for me to be the exact opposite. You know, she's the yin to my yang and I'll have a whole bunch of meat and chili, all the vegetables. And what about the kids? Oh, the kids that have a good healthy balance of everything, you know, whatever they eat then they can eat and that's and that's kind of That's kind of awesome. Yeah, that, that, that kind of plays really well into this episode. I wasn't really planning for that, but yeah. And just the five days I've been doing it, I'm already down five pounds. And the best part is at least for me, it has nothing to do with counting calories. It's all about you eat when you're hungry and you stop when you're full, but I'm eating stuff like bacon and eggs and ribs and steaks and, you know, all sorts of delicious food. That I'm like, man, you get full and then you're like, you feel full for most of the day. So like, that's awesome. That's kind of where you were at is what I was thinking. Sorry. And we'll let you finish that. I can hear you talking. Oh, we're doing this remote listeners. We're doing it remote. So there's like a slight lag in our conversation. Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm actually in Los Angeles right now. So that's kind of a weird that we're testing a brand new sound equipment. Over a couple of states and just winging it. But I think it sounds freaking awesome so far. Yeah. But I was just saying that I don't remember what I was saying. Anyways, go ahead. Okay. My bad, my bad. Well, I was thinking that that really aligns kind of with, with how we are. Right. So as parents often become more aware of their health and wellbeing to ensure they can care for their children. And it's almost like we are aware of it, but more so in the sense that we're buying healthy things for them. We, we don't feed our kids, our son, at least because Amelia's just doing milk right now, but we don't feed Reed just healthy things as much as we should. We're not granola parents by any means, but we try to be more aware of it and You know, he eats berries like crazy. And then all of a sudden it's like, Oh, the healthy food is the kid food. We can't touch that. So we ended up eating the crap and then they eat the healthy stuff and it's just super weird, but I think we've talked about this in previous episodes, how you and I both want to lose weight so that we can be healthier and have endurance when we're hanging out with our kids and playing with them. Like it's something that's important. And there's a lot of parents that do very well at this and there's a lot of parents who struggle with it. And it's a very hard balance, but I think it is something that we are aware of when. You're running outside on the trampoline or doing whatever you do and you're just winded and you realize dang I need to get healthier so that I can keep running around on this trampoline or as my Brother in law, I don't know. He doesn't really count as my brother in law. Willie my aunt's brother or sorry my aunts Sorry, not my aunt's brother my aunt's husband So your uncle? I don't know what that makes him. Your uncle? Well, that's freaking weird because he doesn't feel like my uncle. Yeah, if it's your aunt's husband, it's your uncle. Well, I guess so, but he doesn't feel like an uncle, which is weird. I guess Lacey doesn't really feel like an aunt, per se. Hopefully you're not, like, filling him up often. You're like, man, you feel like an uncle. I did give him a shoulder rub last night at the Father's Day barbecue. So did he feel like an uncle then? He felt like willie Anyways, so he was like I was outside playing football with the boys for a little bit and then I came in I was just sweating and I was hot and I was gassed and he's like Dude, you better get used to that. You got a kid who's playing baseball middle of July as well. The tournaments are, you're going to be dying. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I do need to lose some weight so that I can handle this heat better. Yeah. Yeah. The turning point for me was this last week. I went to help my brother pack up some stuff and move in South Carolina. And. My, my brother's family, we've always been really close and their kids love wrestling me. They've got four boys and they love taking me on and trying to see if they've finally gotten to the point where they can best me in a fight and their second oldest Luke. We were just kind of messing around and then it turned into a fight and we were just wrestling and, and I got to the point where I'm like, Oh my gosh, like i'm not afraid that he's gonna win because I don't lose but it was it was the first time that I was like I need to start losing weight because there was a lot of moves I had planned to do in my mind. And then when I went to go do them, I couldn't lift my leg high enough past my gut. So I was just like, I went to go put him in an arm bar and I couldn't lift my leg up to catch his head. And I'm just like, Oh my gosh, I, it's, it's time. I can't allow a nephew to beat me in a wrestling match. And so it's time for me to get flipping shredded again. So that's funny. Mine came to me yesterday when for father's day, part of my gift was the game twister to play with Reed. Oh boy. Holy shit. Twister sucks. Yeah. Yoga on steroids. I can't reach that. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, the good thing about carnivore, it's all gluten free too. So yeah, it'd be a, it would bode well for you if you're ready to eat meat, like an animal. I've noticed that my ADHD meds, when I take them, have a lot of me to lose a lot of weight because I just forget to eat those days. I remember when I, when I were on, when I was on those, that medication, it's same thing happened to me. I lost weight for the first little while and then my problem is, is I've noticed that it doesn't really matter how much I go to the gym. I don't really lose weight. All my weight loss, all my weight loss is in my nutrition. And last year when I went from 295 down to, I think my lowest weight last year was like 223 or something like that. Like I lost 70 plus pounds and it was all in the kitchen. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, my good friend, he he's dropped a ton of weight. He's, he's shooting for one 70 and he's done it all strictly from diet as well. And he was like, I think two 40. Do you remember the last time we were one 70? Dude, I remember 70. It was when I back from my mission in like, yeah, I, so I was 1 65 when I got home. I was 1 75, went back and I got married in 2015. You know, I, I, I think I finally got rid of my suit that I wore to your wedding because it, there's, I keep'em, there's no way I'll get back to it. I'm like, please,'cause mine are all custom made fun suits from chili. And I'm like, I don't wanna waste those. Those are memories. Those are great. So whether I fit into'em. Or read fits in on one day. I'm not getting rid of these bad boys. They're beautiful. Yeah, exactly. So I guess our long sidetrack that brought us back to this is, is the fact that like, clearly. healthy living is not just food, but like mental health and like allowing your kids to watch way too much television and just trying to keep them stimulated. Cause they're in that position where they want to learn more about everything. And you want to try to fuel their bodies so that they can receive everything to the best of their ability. And so that's kind of where like the fine balance goes, because when you, as a parent are having a hard time self regulating, you're kind of putting that on to the next generation. Yeah. It's Interesting how families tend to sketchy La, yeah, i'm in downtown los angeles So i'm pretty sure i'm right near a fire station or something because we get in sirens Yeah, this is like the sixth or seventh one Yeah that or the firefighters just only go lights and sirens wherever they want because that's typical Yeah, they're like you're gonna get me out of my lazy boy. That's fine. I'm gonna wake up everyone in the neighborhood then So where I was going is Families tend to look similar in their structure and weight. And a lot of people blame it on like, oh, I'm big boned or we're a big boned family. But the truth is, I think like where you're at is it does come down to the diet that the family teaches their family to eat. And that makes a huge difference, right? If you're a family that consumes a ton of sugar and sugary foods, you're probably all going to be a little bit larger. If you're a family that eats a little bit healthier and make sure to get all their vegetables in all the time, Amen. Has a, you know, a healthier diet. That's not as calorie high, probably going to be a little bit skinnier. Yeah. And it's not that it's bad either way. It's just, that's just kind of what happens the way that you teach your family. And that's kind of what that last point is, is a lifestyle example. One thing Kyle that I read a while ago is A lot also goes on to the mom depending on how much the children see their moms exercising, because typically in a traditional household children are around their mother a little bit more than their father. And so if a mom goes and does morning walks or runs with their kids, that kid is a lot more likely to do the same thing when they get older, which is pretty fascinating. Yeah. On that, on that note, because you just reminded me happy father's day, man. Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day and Happy Father's Day to all the guys that are listening to us in this great month of June. But yeah, you're right with the mother being a little bit more active in the children's lives, especially when they're young. They, they get a lot of those, those fitness tips and influences and whatnot. And I'm thankful for my wife. Cause she's always been able to, to stay really fit. And it makes me feel a lot more stress. Cause I'm like, man, I've got to lose some weight. Yeah, it's just going to be a fluctuation. I was, and I was talking with a doctor the other day and he's just like. Now in today's society, it's just, it's really hard for people to stay in their weight because a lot of people are. Behind computers for their jobs. Not everybody is right. But a lot of people are behind computers for our jobs. And I mean, you technically are, you're sitting behind a computer in your, your car all the time, right? A computer. And so for people like that, behind computers on wheels and behind computers, I'm on wheels technically on my chair, right? But it is a little bit harder because your lifestyle becomes a little bit more stagnant. So making sure you're getting. Moving is important, but yeah, let's move on to the next one. Let's let's get things rolling. Let's go to perspective on time. So the two points underneath, I'll go ahead. I was just going to say, I love perspective on time for kids because I, I remember like growing up, you'd think time would pass so quick and you see it happening all the time with your kids where you're like, you know, you go to put them in timeout and you're like, all right, you got to sit in timeout for one minute. And they're like, has it been a minute yet? And you're like, it's been three seconds. Yeah. And then one minute comes and man, just getting them to sit still for just one minute in a timeout or something like that. It's just like an eternity. And I remember people saying like, would you know, choose my, my dad used to do this. He'd be like, choose your punishment. Would you rather be grounded for a week or have to be in your bedroom for like an hour or something? Or like. 30 minutes, something silly like that. And I thought, Oh man, you know, I'm such a bad kid. I've got to choose the biggest number. It sounds like 30 minutes in my room, I guess. Little did I know. That's really funny. Yesterday on father's day Reed was really funny because Amelia was in her little chair on the table and he was sitting right next to me while we were drinking a Chilean soda. I went the other day and bought a bunch of sodas that are very unique to Chile. And we're drinking it together and having a lot of fun. And Amelia was just being cute and cooing and con and then like, Oh, Amelia, I just want you to stay a little baby forever. Can you stay this size forever? And he's like dad, that's impossible. I was like, Oh, I was like, well, do you want to stay small forever? He's like, dad, that's also impossible, but I've got really good news. It's going to take a really long time for me to get bigger. And it was just so cute. That's super right. Yeah, but it was super emotional because. Yeah, when you're a little kid, that is forever. That's a long time. But dude, four years has already passed with them. Like, it goes quick and you feel like it's taken forever but then you just realize, oh my gosh, like I was taking a snapchat of them the earlier today and I was looking at like a 13 year old boy is what it seemed like and it goes by fast, but I Man, we're gonna start getting all weird on time because yeah for them Every moment that we do is a huge amount of their life And their learning experience, even though for us, it might just be feel like a couple of moments or we won't even remember it. We won't even remember it exactly. And so that, you know, 30 minutes that we're on our phone feels like two hours to them and they feel like we're paying more attention to our phone than to them. And that the phone's more important or whatever the situation might be. And I think that's important to remember is just perspective on time and a kid's eyes, a child's eyes. It's different than perspective on time from adult eyes. And I mean, our perspective on time compared to what our grandparents perspective on time, it's all different because we've all lived different amount of time. And it becomes simply a number. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you hit the nail on the head and time is so valuable because that's the, that's the thing that we can never get back. And I've noticed, especially for our girls, their biggest love language right now, especially at a young age, is quality time. Yeah. Like, you know, it's, it's kind of interesting. We've had, we have a lot of babysitters that help watch our kids. And it's just so fun to see the babysitters that the girls are like. Over the moon to see because you know that those ones spend some quality time with your kids And they're like, you know when they see him out and about and they're not babysitting. They're like, oh my gosh I need to go play with that person because they give me all sorts of time They focus just on me and we have so much fun and I'm like, yeah, that's exactly it And I think yeah, I think that's a trap that a lot of people new and reoccurring parents get into is the fact that we get so used to seeing our kids all the time that it doesn't, it doesn't mean that much to us. And then, you know, we miss out on a lot of opportunities to be able to really get those special moments with them. And for example, this week, I'm gone all week for work and it's tough because I had to say goodbye to my girls, all my for a week and they don't do well without their dad around. So It's tough and I appreciate maddie for being such a soldier while I do these crazy jobs But whatever we can do to try to get ahead we're gonna do Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, but those kids. Yeah, they need that quality time They really do and and you know, that's something that i'm noticing i'm interviewing for a bunch of jobs, right and one of the jobs I was interviewing with and I still technically am but they have this culture of just like You A very da, a Dave Goggins mindset of like put in the work grind, do this work long hours, who's gonna carry the boats? right? It's like, yeah dude, that works. Like I get that, but when work's done, you guys gotta be able to clock out. And they don't really have that mindset of clocking out. I would be one of their only remote employees, so maybe it'd be different. But that's something that I was trying to clarify with the CEO, what that family life looks like, what the environment's going to be. And you know, I'm working for my family, so I want it to be able to be with my family. And so I kind of asked the question of you know, hey, what's the situation going to be? I'm all in for working hard but When you're working at home If you're expected to be in the office all the time, like your your team is over there Then you never have a place to check out work is home and you're constantly working I need to be able to ensure that I can have that ability To check out and be with my family and his response was kind of a red flag to me was you know Yeah, you're doing this for your family You But the first part of, you know, being a father is providing that income for them. And I was just like, I, I totally get that. But at a certain point, the money is only so much. And so again, like, what's that going to look like? And I was, I was just trying to dig in, trying to get a perspective of, of what they're like. And it doesn't mean that he, he isn't a good father. The people that have that mindset aren't good fathers, but I just remember my dad being gone quite a bit and it sucked. And I don't want that, right? Like I want to be able to spend as much time as I can with my kids now when they're young and they're fun and they love me when I get older, they're teenager, they're going to be assholes. I just know it. And they're going to hate you. Exactly. I mean, your four year old already tells you that he hates you. So exactly. And I remember when I was older, like I always loved my mom and my dad, I feel like, but in high school, me and my dad clashed so much, like. Him and I actually like fought like we really fought I remember one time I clocked him on the side of the head and I thought I was gonna die at that point right, it was it was terrifying and I was just like man. I don't want to deal with that. I had this panic attack the other day of holy crap It's hard being a parent to toddlers or preschoolers. It's gonna be really hard to be a parent to teenagers Oh, it's I want to I want to be a good parent now. So maybe they love me later I think the trick I think the trick is Especially for teenagers, is if you wait to try to discipline them in teenager life, you're severely behind the eight ball. And I've noticed this a lot in law enforcement. Parents will call us and want us to parent their children. Because they don't want to parent their children. And it's like, listen, the parenting that you should have done, you're right, that's not what we're for. But the parenting they should have done comes when they're easier to handle. Children, you know, when they're younger so that they can understand the repercussions so that they can, they can have a respect. I wouldn't say quite fear. They need to, they need to be fearful enough to respect, but learn respect before they get to the point where they're like, I can actually beat you up. Like, I see you now as a an easier opponent to, to best. And once they get that perspective, man, climbing back out of the hole to try to like, State some sort of dominance or hierarchy in a family. It becomes very difficult. And I can't tell you how often we deal with people who just weren't parent. parented correctly and now they think that their, their poop doesn't stink. You know, it's like they're better than everyone else and no one ever stood up to them and told them how it was, or they didn't get disciplined in a way that was meaningful for them to learn respect. And so now you're just, you're just struggling. It's a struggle bus. Right. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's part of what being a parent to young kids is. There's trying to teach them how to regulate emotions. Yeah. Regulate what they're feeling and experiencing and helping them learn to do it in a healthy manner. And if we're not around, if we're that CEO of the company, and we're just simply working in the office, then you're leaving it on just your wife, and that's emotionally taxing on them. And nobody's perfect. Nobody can be 100 percent all the time. It's a, it's a tag team effort to raise successful, happy, happy, Emotionally sound children, and I'm not saying that we're perfect by any means, it's something that I'm trying to be good at. And something I'm aware of, and I think that's at least the first step, is being aware of what you need to be doing as a parent. Even if it leads to your kid telling you he hates you. Yeah, I mean if you're aware, you're already way ahead of the game. Because most people are just in denial, so. Yeah, I mean you see that when you go to the playground, there's some shits out there. Oh, man, the kids, you just like, I would never do this, but sometimes the kids that you just want to clock because they're being so rude to your kid, or they're just like, blatantly disrespectful. You're like, how in the world? Oh, it's because you've gotten away with this type of attitude for so long. It's like, you can't. Yeah. There's this splash pad and he was just trying to make friends. He was talking to these kids that were older than him. They told him to stop talking and kicked him. What? I wasn't there. But that pisses me off because it's happened multiple times. That's not the only time he's been hit or kicked at a playground for trying to make friends with people. And that's, and that's the other problem is parents aren't correcting that behavior when it happens. Like for example, the other day, and I'm not saying I'm a stellar parent. We all have our weaknesses, but the other day Evelyn has been going through a lot of difficulty in the fact that, you know, she notices now she's old enough to notice when we have to go to work. And she, it tears her heart in half, and she doesn't want any of us to go to work, no matter who it is, whether Maddie or me. But the other day Maddie goes to leave for work, and Evelyn is crying for her to stay. Begging her to stay, like, breaks your parent heart, and you're like, Okay, I'm calling in sick because I want to stay with you and make you happy, you know? Yeah. And I ended up having to basically peel Evelyn off of Maddie so that she could go to work. And when that happened, you know, obviously our little three, four year old kids, they have some big emotions and she decides to kick me. And instead of sitting there and, you know, taking it and being like, Oh, you know, this has got to be, this, this is just okay. Cause they have big emotions. I mean, it's okay. Cause they're having big emotions, but I also need to correct that behavior hard and fast. So immediately. I, I corrected her. I took her to her room and I said, you're going to be in your room until you can learn not to kick because you don't kick mom or dad, that's just a no. You don't kick anyone. And I'm like, and she, she sat in a room for a while and she cried and she kept coming back out and I was sitting in the hallway waiting for her. She kept coming back out. And when she was finally, you know, down to her less of a primal brain and more of a thinking conscious brain, she, she apologized and I said, you know, it's okay to have big emotions. And it's okay to sometimes, you know, you didn't know how to control those emotions, so you lashed out with a physical action, but we can't do that. We can't be turning our, our big emotions into punching or kicking or hitting someone cause that's not okay. And once she, once she got that, it seemed, it seemed to like really, you know, hit it home for her, drive, drive the point home. I hope it was the only time I have to do that. But if I have to do it again, I will. And the, and the, the correction has to come swift and fast and right to the point so that they know what they're being corrected for and so that they can better be in the future. Now that's something I'm doing with a three year old. Imagine if I had a 14, 15 year old. That'd want to swing or punch someone like that could do some serious damage. You could really hurt somebody and that's no time to do those corrections because you're way past that moment. Yeah. Yeah. And I think like what you did, allowing her to have a safe space and then afterwards talking about it. I think that's so important that parents forget, right? You can't just go to your room and then leave it at that. Yeah. The lesson, the lesson doesn't have that conversation. Yeah. The lesson doesn't end with the punishment. The L the lesson ends. With the thought that the child comes to at the end of the punishment. And allowing them to think about it and talk about it. Asking prompted questions that allow them to truly open up as so helpful, but also so hard when you just got clocked in the face and you're still mad, but you're trying to be, you know what I mean? Like, Oh yeah, it's hard, but. Yeah, anyways, we kind of got a little off of that. I think that was very important. Yeah. No, it's all good points Raising kids that are emotionally sound and can control their emotions is so important but I again, I think it comes from that value of time and Parents realize how precious it is and how little time you have As your kids get older and it's almost like a panic of oh crap. I can't go backwards in time Let's go ahead and make up for it now And if you allowed yourself to go into that You zone of just floating by your kids are going to be out of the house and you're going to have missed their time. And once they become adults, as much as you want them to reach out, they're not going to as much as you want to. And your time with them is essentially done. You're going to see them every once in a while, but that's the biggest reminder for me is I got to take advantage of this time because once Reed gets his own life and family, I hope to see him a lot, but I know that he's going to have his own adventures that he's going to want to go on, and man, I'd love to live close to him, and love to live close to Amelia forever, but, life takes people in weird places, you know what I mean, and, you know, I have a cousin that lives all the way in Spain, like, he never probably imagined he would live in Spain forever, but that seems where it's going to be, you know what I mean, and so they're away from their family. You Yeah, I think it's a, I think it's very easy for parents to overlook those young, formidable years, either because they're difficult or because it's easier to just slide by with such a young child. But like you said, before you know it, these children that we're so lucky to have as our own aren't really our own, like from the day they're born to the day they get married or moved out of the house. Our purpose is to train them to be our own. A functioning, capable adult in society. And I think the hardest thing for a parent to understand is, is at some point that connection from parent to child, I mean, the parent to child connection is always there biologically, but there comes a point when it's not parent to child, it's going to be friend to friend. And you got to understand you've done all your job as a parent to prepare them for this, but there's no more parenting that can be done outside of when they come to you for advice. It just becomes strictly, you know, I get to now watch you try to figure out your adulthood from a space separate from it. So I'm not going to give you my two cents, but hopefully I've given you all the right guides and positions to be in so I can watch you succeed. It's just like, it's just like a Timberline, right? Where you, you have your forming, you have your storming, you have your norming and you have your performing. Right. And that's kind of how it goes with, with parenthood with their children. You're, you're practicing, you're showing, you're brainstorming, you're, you're, you know, you're there, you're helping them do it. Then they're doing it on their own as you watch them. And now they're out doing it totally. And I, and I've, I've enjoyed trying to pick out those specific opportunities with a nine year old and almost a four year old this Saturday. And it's been so nice to see my nine year old being able to do chores and stuff that I don't think most nine year olds do. Or being able to cook foods that I don't think most nine year olds know how to cook. And I've got my, my three year old that's turning four who loves washing the dishes. She, that's what she wants to do. So it's like Why am I going to stop you from doing that? That's a harmless act. It's a great chore and it's something you're going to do for the rest of your life. So if you have the zeal and the desire to do this chore right now, Let's harness that and help you do that. And it's going to take a little bit more time for a parent, but it's going to be so much more rewarding because the lessons you're teaching them from the time that they want to do it instead of the time that you want to force it down. Yeah. I love that. You've mentioned that, you know, when the kids get older, they're adults and it's become friend to friend. And, you know, I see that now with my dad you know, it's friend to friend. It's also crazy because even though I'm an adult, I still go and ask my dad these questions. And he might not know the answers, but he's my dad. And so he tries to provide as much insight and help as he can. And I had this reflection of, wow, my dad's still daddy. I'm a dad and a grownup and my dad is still daddy. He's helping me and giving me advice. And at the same time, he is that friend and we can go laugh and do stupid shit together and have a good time. But. I have, I got a bunch of stuff for Father's Day and I always keep my Father's Day stuff year after year. All the crafts and stuff that are made. And the one that was made for me last year is a cute brown trunk with Reed's green handprints, making up the tree leaves and on it. It says, no matter how tall I grow, I will always look up to you. You're going to have this for a year. And dude, it makes me very emotional. And then they made me all these. Paper plates, making it look like a big old ribbon. So the paper plate painted blue with like two little red blue ribbons coming off of it. It says like number one, dad, number one, wrestler, number one, cook number one, cuddler, number one, hugger, like all these things. And it's very emotional. But I think that is something to remember is they are always looking up. They're always watching you. They always are going to try and either be just like you or be just opposite. And being aware of what you're doing is so important, and I feel that moves us into our next point a little bit, Kyler, but I'll let you comment, because I think what your last area was. Was talking about societal kind of norms and the last point is cultural and societal awareness, but yeah, I'll hand things to you Oh, man, so cultural and societal awareness is tough especially right now in the time we're living and I'll give you an example and I and I say with this with the utmost respect and Just the Just a desire not to offend, but to try to help to learn. I had an experience with my oldest daughter when she was about maybe five or six. So she was coming to that position where she was recognizing, you know, people as male and female. And you know, our society has changed to where it's not just that simple. And we had gone into a coffee shop, and the, the, the barista that was helping us was clearly a female, biologically, but their identity was male. And you know, I have a child here who's trying to figure out what's going on and they don't know, like trying to be respectful or they just don't understand it. So they're asking a ton of questions. And so my daughter's sitting there and she says, you know, dad, I, I don't know if this is a boy or a girl, but it, it, like, I'm pretty sure it's a girl, but it looks like a boy. And and she's saying this and I know the barista can hear it. And I'm like, I don't know. How about you ask their name? You know, just just being really polite and so she goes hi, you know, my name's Taylor. What's your name? And I don't remember what the name was But the name was a name that it could be either way and it's confusing, you know and and then she turns to me and she asked me again, she's like dad, is that a boy or girl and and the the barista turns around and she goes, you know, and I'm and I'm already wrecking this because I'm not using her pronouns, but I'm going to try. He goes, I'm a boy. And I was severely embarrassed because I didn't know how to be the parent for that. I didn't know how to teach the societal, you know, norms that have now come into what's, what's our society. And I excused my daughter to go out to the car with my wife and I apologized. I was like, look, I am so sorry. I don't know how to teach them because you know, what, what do you tell them? You know, it's so easy. To just have two options for a child and all the extra stuff is way difficult. And the barista was really sweet, really kind. And, and he said, you know, just, just teach them to ask for pronouns and then you can use the pronouns. And, and I, I appreciate that because I value trying to help someone feel comfortable. But at the same time I had, I had a hard time trying to teach that to my child, because I'm like, I don't, I think it's important to respect all people. And to love all people. And that's what I've really tried to push on to my children, especially with the society that we live in today. However, if, if I feel like it's kind of up to that person that wants to identify as whatever they want to identify as, whether it's, you know, male, female, cat, dog, you know, whatever it may be with how difficult it is to try to tell what you want to be. If you want to be something other than what you're looking like, do me a favor and just like, Help me, you know, and on that point, actually, before I go to the next point, I'll let you chime in with what you think about that. Yeah. I really love that you went into that. That's actually something I wanted to talk about. But I didn't think it was going to come into this podcast. It's something that I've been noticing lately and I'm going to try and talk as neutral as I can because I have friends and family that are on both sides of this subject, but. It's an election year. And President Cox, not President Cox, my God, Governor Cox. A lot of people in Utah don't like him. I personally do. You personally like him or don't like him? Do. Oh, okay. I was just curious. And, yeah, I personally do. And I have the privilege of listening to him in person talking about diversity, equity, and inclusion. And I don't know why so many people hate that subject in Utah. But it ticks people off from somebody who's worked with companies that are not U. S. or Utah based. It is so important, and it might not feel like it's important when you live in Utah because there's not much diversity, but it is essential. And if we, as Utahns, want to be able to get along with our neighboring states and understand the world that we live in, we need to have diversity, equity and inclusion. How it's implemented is always going to have a debate. There's a lot of people that are frustrated with the way that that is being touched for LGBTQ IA plus, or I don't know what the acronym is now. Yeah, that's it. You got it. Perfect. There's a lot of people that are frustrated with the way that that's being dealt with and they don't want it to be introduced in schools. They got really mad at governor Cox because in a zoom interview Somebody had on their screen that their pronouns were she, her. They or something like that. I don't remember what they were and he said, Hey, thank you so much for discussing that. My name is you know, Governor Cox. I go by he him and then you continued. But a lot of people are pissed that he said that that he gave in to this view and I get it like it's hard. It's a shift and it's hard when your kids are learning about these things in school because you don't know how to talk about it. I don't know how to talk about it, but the reality is that's where the world is going, and you can't stop it, and we can't hide it from our kids, and if we don't talk to them about it, it's not gonna be good, and I feel personally, even though when I was a little bit younger, hated the idea of my kids learning about this in school, I don't feel like it's going to change their natural, internal, instinctual desires of what they want to be, but it's going to help them be better people, be more loving, be more accepting, and be more kind. Governor Cox wasn't saying he goes by he, him, because he wanted to be politically correct. He was being polite to the other person who already did that. He was mirroring the conversation because that's what humans do. It was a human experience. And that's one thing that I believe governor Cox gets very well. Is he is a human having a human experience and he recognizes that other people are doing the same thing And he wants to connect with them whether they be black whether they be white whether they be brown You know what? It doesn't matter their color skin. He also care what sex is right doesn't matter and that's why I like him I'm, not necessarily like pushing. Hey vote cox or vote lyman. I just want us to all be aware But these things are important and that they're not going away. And if we want to have a strong society, we teach people how to be polite. You might think that these types of people, the LGBTQIA or are making a weak community and weak men, the strong men are always going to be there, but we also need to have gentlemen. We also need to have strong women. We also need gentle women. And I just, I'm very passionate about that because again, I mean, if we go back to one of the reasons why I left the church I grew up in, a lot of it started, my search was by the way the church was treating that community. And just seeing that the church has such a negative impact or view on that. And then it reflects in the community and then how we vote politically. It pisses me off. And I want my children to be loving and accepting. I don't know. Who they're gonna love. I don't give a shit. I'm gonna love my kids. No matter what you can love Whoever the hell you want and I will love you. No matter what you can call yourself, whatever you want I'm gonna love you. No matter what and The best way to do that is just to let them know that you love and you support them from a young age And if they explore so be it but again I do not believe that because they learn this in school or what they're seeing on TV Do not believe that that is going to change their internal natural instincts Some people are born gay. Some people are heterosexual. I'm so glad you brought that up because I was gonna, that was actually my next point that I was gonna go into and so it's a perfect segue and obviously we're by being on the same frequency cause we're just like, just right there. But I have a tattoo on my wrist and it's in Elder Futhark which is a Viking alphabet and it says Know thyself. And I think that's so incredibly important, not just for you as an individual, but for each and every person that we come in contact with, that they need to know themselves and we need to give them the opportunity to do so. I had this beautiful experience and this is experience I never expected to have, but the LGBTQIA plus Mormon convention, the worldwide Mormon convention was held in Provo, Utah. And I had the opportunity. To go and be security for them. And so when I went into, to that realm, you know, I, I wasn't sure exactly what to expect and to be quite honest, I thought it was a little bit of an oxymoron because I feel like it's trying to shove a square peg in a round hole, not to be rude to anyone, but I feel like, you know, the, the church sometimes has a stance that's pretty anti that, and you're so, Positively that, that trying to meld those two worlds together seemed like a lot of cognitive dissonance for me, and I just, you know, I, I hurt for them because you can see how much they want the knowledge and lessons and guidance that they get from a church that they know and love, and yet trying to be their true authentic self and finding struggle and heartache in that trial and And so it's this, this, this really tough dichotomy that they're trying to balance. But, that aside, I had the opportunity to be their security guard, basically, for two days. And, in that two days, I met some of the coolest people that have all sorts of different types of pronouns. Really, I couldn't, I couldn't describe them. I couldn't care less, but the point was, is when you get to see people as they are and you respect them, you learn more, not only about them, but about yourself and how you can be a more well rounded individual at that, at that conference, I actually took a fully inclusive pride flag. It had all the colors from everything, not just the regular pride flag, but the entirety of it. And I pinned it on my uniform just because I wanted to show them like, you know, a lot of people have negative experience with law enforcement, especially in the gay community or in the LGBTQ plus community QIA plus, but I'm a supporter of you. I'm here to protect you. You guys are valuable. You are important. And I'm going to make sure that that stays this way so that you guys can have a good convention, you know And then it wasn't until later on in that convention that I realized, you know, i'm missing a very important pin And it was my pronoun pin and so I made sure because a lot of people were asking me questions because I had that pin on and I made sure to go get a he him pin because that's what I identify as and just as a respecting I wrote why wore those two pins for those two days at that conference and I wanted to wear it longer just to show everyone that I'm inclusive that it's you're not you're not getting someone that's going to prejudge you. You know, I'm here to do my job. I'm going to do my duty and do my job, but I'm going to do it without judgment because that's the best way you can be a fair, impartial, you know, protector of the law. And I don't think enough people have positive interactions. With, you know, I mean, if you want to say politically, you know, you have the far left, you have the far right. A lot of people think a lot of cops are far right. A lot of people think a lot of people in the, the pride community is far left. And so they feel like there's a natural tendency for clashing and just natural enemies. I'm not your enemy. I'm here for you. And the more I can make that apparent to people, the better I'll be able to succeed in my mission because everyone has crimes against them, not just one side or the other. And I still have those pens in my work truck. They sit right there in my work truck. I see them every single day. And it reminds me that, you know, no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you identify as, I'm going to be a solid protector for you and make sure that, you know, what I want my kids to know is, you know, you know, we really do love everyone and we really do respect everyone and we learn from everyone because everyone's worthy and important to live and to thrive and to be their best selves and the better they know themselves, the better we'll be as a whole community as one. Yeah. I agree. It's, you know, I, I mentioned that I was going to try and be as neutral as possible, but it really, in the end, I think the world and the government and people who are so involved politically forget what is most important, and they get tied up in these stupid little debates and arguments. If the world started seeing people as people and stopped looking at it as a territory or this is our space, the world would be more loving, would be more accepting, and would be a happier place to live. I think yeah, I think, I think this is going to be a really good segue into possibly our next episode so that we can spend the time that's required to do it justice. Let's go. But as far as wrapping up adulthood to parenthood. You're going to have a whole laundry list of things. So much is going to show up that you're not expecting. That's going to be tough for you to figure out. You're not going to have the answers to everything. There's no perfect book. And this four part series that we've done for y'all is just our perspective. It's, there's no right answer. You're going to learn as you go. And that's the beauty of life is we learn as we go and we get to have beautiful experiences. We get to have people. You know, pleasure and pain. And at the end of it all, you know, you do the best that you can and you know, you leave the rest to whatever deity you believe in, just love, love your kids, let them know you love them. And don't be afraid of changing your views and opinions. As you grow and you raise your kids, the world's going to change. And sometimes you got to change with it for the better. I don't think there's any better way than to end like that. So we love you all. We're happy to have you guys as our audience. If you ever want to be a guest on our podcast, we have some sweet new sound equipment. You're also welcome to jump in remotely and we can have you as a guest on our podcast. We'd love to hear from you. We'd love to know your perspective. And we would love to make the world a better place one step at a time as we turn the pages of this beautiful book That is life. So until next week have a wonderful week. Take care.