28 - What comes next? - Ollie's Voice Pt. 4

Transcript

Tyler: 0:00

Welcome everybody to part four of the Islay perspective and our conversation with Ollie. It has been a phenomenal conversation thus far. If you have not listened to the previous three parts, go back and do so. All he left us on a huge cliffhanger last time where they discussed The ultimatum of either transitioning or having a child. Go ahead and take it from there, Ollie.

Ollie: 0:42

All right. So yeah, we were talking about kind of that whole conversation of it was no longer a in a perfect world scenario. It is, it's this scenario. This is, this is the reality where I'm going to do it because I am too unhappy with, with the world. And I had a lot to be happy about, a lot to be proud of and everything, but I just felt like I got to a point where I felt like if this is all there is, then what is the point of aging? What is the point of going on for the rest of my life if it's not going to change? And so I started having really dark thoughts of, Basically, if I can't do this, then I'm just going to exit the game early. And so when I was talking to Camille about that was it was an ultimatum. Where, like I said, I, I felt like I couldn't have a kid if I transitioned, but I couldn't not transition. And I knew that having a child was, it was a thing that could happen. Camille needed, she still needs, it's something we're working on but it's something that she would never feel fulfilled in life if she didn't get that opportunity and so Did you

2:15

feel that she wouldn't get that opportunity because it would, because it was going to be something that would like clock you, like was it like have a child right now and then transition, like if you had a child right then you wouldn't, you wouldn't transition? Or can, does that make sense to that question? Yeah,

Ollie: 2:31

so, yeah, in hindsight of the whole ultimatum, I realized you know, my error in thinking that it was an ultimatum at all. But I knew one fact was that if I get on hormone replacement therapy, HRT, I get on HRT, that at some point I will become infertile. So. That varies for people, so for some people it is like a month on HRT and then some people it's years on HRT before they become infertile. And there's just no telling. So I was at a point where I needed to transition now. It was, 30 years has gone by, and I, I pushed it off for so long thinking that I could live the rest of my life and ignore it, and now I realize that I can't. So, I need to get on HRT, like, yesterday, but you want a kid, and if I start taking HRT, then I may not be able to give you that. And so that was kind of where that stemmed from, I guess where it came from. And I guess where that ended up going was we talked for hours and hours and she, she chose to stay with me and she talked me out of this whole idea that it had to be one or the other. And, oh, another, another part of it was she wanted to conceive a child naturally. So, through regular sexual intercourse and all that and that's where the hormone aspect was coming in, was that I would not be able to do that. Got it. So, we kind of, where our compromise was, was that I basically, she had to accept that I would not be able to get her pregnant naturally, like through sex. And then we would have to do something like IVF or something like that.

4:37

Okay.

Ollie: 4:37

And once we got to that point, then I was able to accept that I could transition and have a child. So it wasn't one or the other.

4:48

That's a really beautiful compromise that only came through a lot of communication and IVF. And it was, were you, were you, I'm I haven't looked so much into IVF, is that saying your DNA or somebody else's DNA?

Ollie: 5:05

So what we ended up doing was freezing my sperm. And so IVF is basically just like, I guess, considered artificial insemination. I don't know the correct way of putting it. But

5:20

basically what they do is they'll take the sperm and they'll in a lab basically fertilize the egg. And then with the fertilized egg, they'll, they'll implant it into the female to into the uterus in hopes that it'll take and IVF will be positive experience. Awesome. That's so cool.

Ollie: 5:39

Yeah. That's kind of where that went. And we both kind of made that, that decision. And I think like the next day I, Called my doctor and figured out who I needed to talk to, started going to like a therapist and Going through the whole like vetting process which leads to a whole conversation about what people think transitioning is like that you can just walk into a Walgreens and say, Hey, I don't want to be a man anymore. And then the doctor's like, Oh, thank God I got a truckload of estrogen. I've just been waiting to inject. It's not that easy. I promise. It took me I think almost six months before I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. So it's quite the process point. Yeah, and from that point of getting that diagnosis was, now I can start talking to an endocrinologist and doing the whole fertility treatment. So it wasn't until I want to say, I guess it was 2 years ago at this point that we say, yeah, I think it was like 2022. So 2 years, well, no, not 2 years. I'm forgetting my timelines here, but. What you're saying is it's, it's not as

7:06

easy as what people think. Like, it's not just a, you step across the threshold and you're good to go. Which, which I could see, I could see that being quite the hurdle for a lot of people.

Ollie: 7:18

Oh, for sure. And there are there are other methods that people have gone through, some easier, some more difficult. In the end, what it, what it requires is informed consent, meaning you have been given all of the information and you chose to say yes. And so did they require like months of doing

7:40

sorry to interrupt they did they require like a Certain meetings with therapists or or how did they how did they ensure that you had all that information?

Ollie: 7:50

yeah, so first I talked with a Transgender care coordinator who kind of vetted me Asked me a bunch of questions and to see if talking to the actual care coordinator was even necessary. So I had to have that conversation, and then talk to a doctor, psychologist, lady and essentially have the same conversation with her, but a little bit more detailed. And She was the one that, that ultimately made that final decision of yes, gender euphoria or dysphoria or no. So this was also like probably two or three months in between those two meetings. And then once she gave me that diagnosis was when I was able to speak with the the endocrinologist, who was the one who basically. Gave me all that information. The, the informed part of the consent. So, had to go through the whole whole side of that, of what was gonna happen to my body, the fertility side of it the mental side of it, just all kinds of stuff that was gonna, gonna happen in the process. And then after my, my appointment with the endocrinologist, Well, after a couple of appointments with the endocrinologist, I was able to sign the paper that said I give my informed consent. I want to start HRT. And then I had to do like a follow up appointment with the endo and yeah. That's just, that's

9:41

for the hormone therapy. Would you have to do the same thing if you chose to do like a top or a bottom surgery?

Ollie: 9:48

I haven't gotten that far, so I'm not. Sure. I believe that that is kind of the case, except now I already have that diagnosis of gender dysphoria. So I don't have to jump through as many hurdles. However, my insurance does not cover like surgical stuff. So I kind of have to go like a different route to figure out how to get that done. So one of these days I, I, on that note, I, I plan to get like. Facial feminization surgery and maybe breast augmentation, depending on how these puppies grow with the medication. So I call my, my medication Chemical X. I remember Powerpuff Girls, Sugar Spice, and everything nice. Oh, that's funny. Exactly. So I call it my Chemical X. That's so funny. They, they're growing, and We'll, I'm gonna give it like two years before I decide if I want to do, like, top surgery and bottom surgery. I, at least at this point, have decided that I don't want to. Because I've got 32 years of enjoying this thing and I don't know what the other one would be like. So

10:57

yeah, you're pretty professional at that point. 32 years, you could retire, but you're pro at that point.

Ollie: 11:04

Yeah. And I, I don't want the, the risk of me. I won't like the other one as much, you know, so I'm fine. It always reminds

11:12

me of that. That funny video where it's like if girls had a penis for one day, what would it be like? And it's just a little baby elephant, just doing a helicopter. Have you seen the ones where they pass the hose to the mom to try and show the mom what it's like to eat? They're teaching a toddler how to pee with a penis and that they had a host for the mom and try to teach the mom how to pee. And it's just, it's like a joke, but just so the mom like understands it's difficult. No, I haven't seen that one, but I

Ollie: 11:38

haven't seen that one either. That sounds funny though.

11:40

There's a term that you use on your social media, especially when you're talking about your wife, Camille, and it cracks me up if you call you, you call yourself the was bend.

Ollie: 11:50

It can't

11:52

tell me about that.

Ollie: 11:54

I forget who. Or where Camille picked that up from but she, she said it to me one day and I, I cracked up and, and now it's like, it's glued for sure. But. I was her husband. And so I am now her was, I always just thought it was

12:16

so funny. Every time I read it, I'm like, that's perfect. Well, so that brings up a question that's perfect along those lines. Man, phrasing is not coming to me today, but I guess, does that make it so that you. Your relationship is identified as a, a lesbian relationship.

Ollie: 12:38

That's how we identify it. And it kind of, I, I feel like I'm gonna constantly hit back on that note of this is my experience. Mm-Hmm. and I don't speak for everyone. Right. But for our experience with me and Camille I have embraced that feminine side of my my relationship. And so, I am Camille's wife, and while I may be trans, and, and certain people may have their own opinions of what that means I live my life as a woman, and so, by definition, she is married to a woman. And so our relationship is a lesbian relationship. There's the added parts of, you know, the, the trans and cisgender relationship, but yes, we call it a lesbian marriage.

13:35

I thank you for explaining that. Cause I've been, I've been curious and then also. With that being the case, right? It essentially your wife, Camille had to almost change her sexuality in a sense. Is that, does that make sense? Like when you had this conversation, did she have to come to that realization to herself as well, or was that always something that was there as well? So

Ollie: 14:02

fortunately she has always been at least on the side of like, by curious.

14:09

Okay.

Ollie: 14:09

And so. She's always been attracted to women. But again, we got married at 19. So neither of us really got to experience a whole lot of dating other people. So when, when that whole conversation happened she did kind of have to go through her own, like mental hurdles and things like that. So it wasn't, I don't think that it was easy on her at first. I feel like mostly because of the, the social implications of being married to a trans person.

14:45

Mm hmm.

Ollie: 14:46

So she, she didn't know how to talk about it, especially because, like, I still had not come out to anyone else.

14:57

Right.

Ollie: 14:58

So we still had to kind of play like everything was normal.

15:02

And

Ollie: 15:02

did Camille come from a religious

15:04

household?

Ollie: 15:06

Yes, so she was raised Mormon and her family is, is very, like, involved in the church and Camille isn't anymore. She hasn't been for several years at this point, but yeah, so the whole religious side of it kind of came into play. Not knowing how her family was going to react, let alone my family. So, yeah, she was dealing with a lot. Internally, and she didn't have really anyone to talk to about it. She ended up talking to, like, a couple of her her friends that, you know, they're more open minded and stuff. So she was able to talk to them which definitely helped her, kind of like, come to terms with it. And I think at some point, as she's explained it to me, at some point she realized, like, Wait a second, I'm into girls. This is fine.

15:56

So To actually she honestly, yeah, she honestly gets the best of both worlds. Well, yeah, and then she has her was like you said, married at 19. There was no chance to see anything else. Yeah. 13 years of a wasband. And now she's going to get a hot wife.

Ollie: 16:12

Exactly. So it's it has kind of been a cool thing for for both of us, honestly. And I honestly, I'm talking about how she has I guess helped in all of this has been I honestly, I don't even know how to put it into words. I don't know if I would have had the courage to, if it weren't for her.

16:37

That was one of the points that Tyler and I had spoke about before we wanted to jump on the interview with you is just like how absolutely impressive it is to, to have someone in your corner, to have someone that's willing to, you know,

Ollie: 16:52

It was huge go

16:53

through all that with you because you know, that fear of losing someone because of the perception of what you were is so heavy. It's so real that like, when you talked about exiting the game before, like, I feel like a lot of people that's, that's the answer because just the, just that, that mountain that you have to cross and go over is so tremendous, but then, you know, to, to gain that courage, to be able to do that and then, you know, Not only that, but to have them encouraging you to go to David's bridal with you to have a drag show for your 30th birthday To to encourage all these things and then to still be faithfully there by your side It was something that Tyler and I were like, wow, this is gonna be such a impactful few episodes just because I don't I don't feel like I don't know. I've never seen it before anywhere else. Yeah. Well, it's not only impactful to hear all your story, but yeah, like you said, you're your wife, like how powerful, how strong and supporting and loving like that are our whole podcast, I think, is to help people just love, right. And that is a perfect example of true, pure love.

Ollie: 18:05

I agree. And I think that without it, without her, I, I, like I said, I don't think I would the courage to do it because I don't know, she gave me the, the support, even though it was just one person in, in a sea of other people that I know and in my personal life and my professional life my family just having one person saying it's okay made me realize that like my world isn't going to fall apart. At least not completely. And so she has been like, she's been my biggest cheerleader. She's been my biggest motivator. She, like I said, about like the piercings she's like living vicariously through me. So. She goes shopping and she finds something that she thinks will look cute on me. And so like she comes home with a pile of clothes and she makes me do like a little runway show. Got a model. Yeah, a little runway show. And she, she loves it. And she motivates me to actually try. Cause you know, a lot of days I feel like, I don't know, I've got too much going on. I'm too stressed with work or I'm, I'm not feeling very, you know, gender euphoric right now. So like, I, I, I feel down a lot of the times probably because of the hormones. I don't know, but she motivates me to like put on makeup and like wear something that isn't a t shirt and shorts. So. She, she's always the one that's pushing me to do those things. So she's pushed me outside of my comfort zone a lot. Which I, I really, I just don't think that I would have done without her. So, I've been extremely fortunate. In her support and honestly, I've been very fortunate in my whole coming out experience. I know that there are some people in my life that don't approve and some people have stopped talking to me. But I realize now that at least for me, and like I said, this is my own personal experience, and I know a lot of other people have a much worse experience than I have gone through. So I'm extremely fortunate in that I have had very few people really have an issue with me to the point of like, you know, arguing or saying like, you know, you can't be in my life anymore or something like that. Like really the worst that's happened is people have stopped talking to me, but they were people that I never really talked to in the first place, so I'm not really missing anything.

20:57

Yeah, that, that was one of the things I was going to touch on is the beauty of when you find your true authentic self. And you know who you are, the people who can't handle that find themselves leaving the room without you really have to say anything. And you realize

Ollie: 21:14

they don't, they don't tell you, they don't call you and say, Hey, you're not my friend anymore. Cool. Just stop talking to you.

21:21

Yeah. And, and for me, it's, it's liberating because the ones who know you and the ones who care about you are there to rally around you and everyone else just falls by the wayside. And you're like, I would rather have. You know, 10 really close friends than a hundred fake ones. Absolutely. And so just, just from that, just from me to you, I just want you to understand how incredibly proud I am of you. I've watched your journey on social media and it is just beautiful. I can't tell you how, how much it means to me that you are being who you are. And I just think it's, it's a beautiful journey. And I love your story so very much. Yeah, really. We, we so appreciate you all sharing your story. We could listen and chat with you for so much longer, but we know you're, you're coming towards the end of your, you know, window and we're, we're kind of late over here as well, but I also want to give a shout out to Camille. You are amazing. What a supportive partner. And amazing human being. Allie, before we end the podcast today, knowing that the, the podcast is about perspective change and just a couple of statements, what is something that you would share with the audience to help them change their perspective? If they currently have a viewpoint that is different than yours and against your lifestyle for both you know, maybe older individuals who may have that thought process and are against it, but also maybe a. A perspective change or hopeful words for any listeners who might be still closeted in their choice and desires.

Ollie: 23:03

Well, to the people who are opposed to this gender ideology, whatever you want to call it. It kind of is the same as what I was saying about the, the gay marriage thing is if you don't like it, then don't do it. But if it doesn't hurt you and it doesn't hurt the people that you love, then why should you stop someone else from doing something that makes them happy? You know, like I, I'm still the same person that I was. What, how we phrase it is that I am same flavor, different package. So, you know, like it doesn't hurt anyone to just accept that people are different. And that kind of stems from like my, my sort of spiritual beliefs that there are no real rules. The only rules that we live by are the ones that we create. For the people that are opposed to it, like, I don't know, live with it. It's not hurting anybody. And, you know, that, that's a whole topic that people like to argue. With children and things like that, but realistically letting someone just express themselves as who they want to be is It doesn't hurt you and it's better for them So, I don't know the world's a little bit better if you just don't spread your hate And then for the people that are still closeted I Can't say that everyone in your life is going to say that it's okay But I will say that the ones who really matter will even if you feel like nobody in your life is accepting you as who you are, there are others who will. The people that you know now are not the people that you have to know throughout the rest of your life. You can meet new people who love you for who you are.

25:11

And

Ollie: 25:12

kind of like you were saying a minute ago, Tyler, is When you become your true authentic self, and you are confident in yourself, You will find more people who love you, for you, and not for the person that you're pretending to be, and it may be a painful experience in some cases, but I just think at least where I'm at, I have gone through a lot of difficult times in the last year, but I've never felt more confident and happy in myself, and the people who have left me I honestly, I don't even know who they are. So I don't know, like you might deal with, with loved ones that don't accept it. But you always have friends and there's always someone out there. So in the end, I think being you as soon as you can is worth every bit of heartache that you might go through because you will find so much more happiness on the other side.

26:25

That's beautiful. Thank you so much for those kind words. And. Advice for those going through it and, and thoughtful advice for, you know, those who need a perspective change, you know, all he mentioned it before, but just love, right? Don't just live and let live, but love and let love doesn't matter. The way other people choose to love, let them do it. It brings them joy and it brings light into the world. make sure that you take care and love everybody who is next to you, your round to your family. You don't know what others are going through. And for example, in an always case, it's, it's something beautiful. Yeah. We all need more of that. I'm going to shout out Ollie a little bit. You can find Ollie on Facebook and Instagram on earth bent. E A R T H B E N T. You can also find her on Tik TOK. Under golly, it's Ollie and that's G O L L Y underscore I T S underscore O L L I E. Holly, thank you so much for being on our podcast. You have a wonderful rest of your life. Seriously. Appreciate you guys. We'll talk to you later. All